Four Years Ago This Month...

...I wrote my real first poem. There were a few scribbles and mark ups on the paper. Some of it I wrote down over the course of the day. The others I left in my head, hoping it wouldn't escape me. Some did. Some stayed. I still have those papers, written in red ink. I didn't really know what I wanted to say. So I just wrote. All I know is I wanted to say what I've always been feeling. So I wrote. And after a night of writing at a desk, on my bed, on my couch, in my car, this is what I came up with.

We always remember our first.

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I can see the finish line. I want mine. I’m so close, but my ambition has got me missing my freedom. This week I’ve been flying high like kites, because it’s so in my sights. Like telescopes, I can see them. So, like Jesse, I’m keeping hope alive and I strive to scheme for ways to see better days. Scary parts in my heart got me going craze. Flipping the light on my fears and they scurry like roaches, while others hurry to yell their directions in my ear like coaches. I just want to be Def like Mos is. Like them times when we fool ourselves, so washed we can’t tell when it ain’t well, one-way ticket heading straight to hell when we rape the culture. They wanna see the vision dead, put lies in my head, turn around what I said and scavenge my thoughts like vultures.

They say I’ve lost my mind, because they catch me dreaming all the time. I prefer to write these rhymes instead of living boxed in between your lines. And I learned you’re blessed when you flex your mental muscles. Only the foolish fight and tussle in the street struggles. Strong words make loud-mouthed buzzards get muzzled when I’m bursting their bubbles.

And this new feeling is so good that I swear I can’t contain it. I’m breaking free, being me and I ain’t even trying to restrain it. I’ve got a feeling so fresh, so new that they ain’t even named it. They say the closer you are, the harder it gets. So I’m defining myself, locking in and preparing to commit, so I can get all I can get. And the actions that I take to negate the mental strain becomes harder and harder each day to maintain. So I cultivate my creation, display the finished product to the nation. So like The Temptations…I wish it would rain—His blessings through my arteries and veins.

A trip straight to my heart. And today it’s sharp and flies straight like darts. I see clearly now and it’s merely how I’m understanding my rights. I find myself gaining wisdom, so people like to ask me for advice. Breaks my heart when I have to leave some sad, when I ask like newspaper ads, what is the price of your life?

In the game, some chose to ride the pine, while others get off snorting them chalk lines. Their sister’s third eyes are blind. Not aware of their worth when they give away ass while others find short cuts to make that fast cash. But everybody knows how the story goes, like dummies they all crash. You slipped on your trip when you dipped on your vision, love for self and aspirations when the times got hard.

I know there’s nothing too far from the stars that I can’t grasp. I know I’m not too far from where you are. So don’t be afraid to ask, about my dream to be just Me and be blessed with everything I wanted to have. I’m gonna have bright days and good nights. I'll be the man who will treat Her right. I’ll say my wife is my life. I try to stay grounded but she urges my emotions to take flight. With precise words I’ll nurture her, say I breathe and walk this earth for her. I’ve traveled far enough, but I’ll go further for her, because when she cries I hurt for her, when I cry it’s worse for her. Joined, that’s why I’m putting in work for her, I’ll say.
And by the way, I’ve made up my mind to follow my dreams, because I deserve all those wonderful things. I just want Me to be free.

But you see, it’s all up to me. I hold the joystick I just have to play. So today I pray if this life doesn’t lead me astray. I can soon enough stand in front of you all and say…finally, I made it.

---EOB.